Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Super Sitters Suck

There is nothing wrong with wanting to catch up with old friends or family in an energetic atmosphere while imbibing and enjoying a nice meal. Most restaurants welcome this type of outing and are designed to accommodate accordingly with plush seats, friendly soundtrack, pleasant ambiance, and of course a server at your every beck and call. To the unassuming patron, this scenario sounds inviting. However to servers, this is a sh*t sundae...with sprinkles.

                                              Peep the scenario...

       A good 94.4% of the time one woman waddles into the restaurant. She is then seated by the hostess. The server comes by and greets the woman at the table, and she replies "I'm waiting on someone. She should be here any moment". At this point the server usually gets the drink order which is usually water with (extra) lemon to start. If she orders hot water the server automatically knows what time it is and curses the biddy under their breath (I'm getting annoyed just typing this out) *punches pillow* Whew! Okay sorry. Anyways the server has returned with the beverage and inquires about an appetizer. The lady declines and says she'll wait on her acquaintance. So... 15 to 20 minutes have passed, and the restaurant is filling up. As soon as the server is sat with another table in strolls her acquaintance. The woman who shows up first waves her flabby varicose vein arm to signal to her guest where she is. The two slam their heavy frames into one another and share pleasantries or what have you. The server then has to assist two tables and a "Janey Come Lately" whom demands immediate service. Lo and behold guest #2 wants water with lemons as well. The server begins to assist and expedite the other table and visits the initial table to inquire about appetizers and/or the main course. They both reply... We haven't even looked at the menu!!!

Minutes pass and the server's other table receives their pre entree salads. The server is then flagged down by the flabby armed tandem and they want to discuss wines all of the sudden. Annoyed, the sever then asks what specific wines they enjoy. 80% of the time both ladies will reply, "white wine". *Deep Sigh* So now the server has to dig deeper and consume more time by attempting to specify the type of white wine. B*tches love chardonnay and reisling so the server pushes the reisling. They order house (cheap) chardonnay. Meanwhile at the server's other table the main courses are arriving. The server comes up with the perfect segue to depart the table and check on the other table to make sure the meals came out as ordered. Usually that's when the server replenishes drinks and/or bread(toootally different story altogether). The women shove the wine down their jelloesque necks and decide to SPLITTTT *echoes* one entree. They both say they're "not that hungry". SO WHY THE F_CK WOULD YOU COME TO A RE.. never mind.

((Funny sidebar. As I'm typing, the commercial to the restaurant I work at came on advertising a $13 meal we feature and I flicked the television off. Haw.))

Their main course arrives and the server inquires about another glass of wine. Of course they decline and deep throat the rest of their waters forcing the server to comeback to them with refills. The server's other table gets up, and since the restaurant is so busy it is quickly cleaned and sat again. The server greets, spiels, takes drink orders, returns drinks, takes main course orders, and expedites said table to ensure a faster turn time. Seeing as how the initial table has been clucking, cackling, and occupying the first booth in the server's section for an hour and a half now the server has to speed up the process and alter service to quickly make money. The server then goes by the two visiting heavies to see if they are done eating. They are. The server must check if the ladies want desert. They do not, buuuuuuuuuuut they both order COFFEE!!!!! The cherry on the sh*t sundae!!! 

In server land tables ordering coffee after a meal is the universal symbol for we're camping out. Some servers do complementary cups of coffee, but not to these aloof heifers. Let's fast forward 40 minutes later. The server's other table is ready to pay and so are the biddies. Their bill is about $32.00. They sign the credit card slip and leave three funky ass dollars. They smile and laugh and continue to sit, as the server is forced to rotate his or her one table to make money. In the two almost three hours the ladies sat there, the server could have mad AT LEAST three times as much as the women left. The End.

  In summation super sitting/camping is rude and inconsiderate. Starbucks specializes in coffee and meetings. If you want to sit and talk, go to a place that fosters that type of thing so you don't have to waste a server's time and opportunity to make money. If you're conversation is so deep, talk outside, talk in your car, or go to Starbucks!! Know the difference between restaurants and bed and breakfasts.

Next time I even think that's about to happen to me I'mma be like




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